This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here... and those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ...
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?' In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.
Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.
Remember this always:
'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
A complicated article...i dun faham at all...falling in love is easy like buying a car but to maintain and sustain...fuh kepala pusing!!!
ReplyDeleteWhatever, whoever and whereever i love the way as it is, so far so good...THATS THE WAY AHAK, AHAK, I LIKE IT AHAK, AHAK!
Hi Danial, sebenarnya article tu tak complicated. Kita semua ni yang agak2 complicated. Falling in love or not, lepas kahwin redah sama2. Yang penting jati diri, tahu tanggungjawab, insyaallah bahagia. Jgn lupa berdoa selalu dan jangan putus asa.
ReplyDeleteMengikut pujangga,CINTA itu adalah kesedian menerima pasangannya dalam apa jua perangai dan sikap(kesemuannya dalam satu bungkusan)tidak ada pilihan ....bagi individu tu mencorakkan ia mengikut kefahaman bersama.oleh itu banyak berdoa dan hope for the BEST.
ReplyDeleteHai Azri...pandai sungguh berpujangga... tapi memang benar apa yg dikatakan, kita kena menerima pasangan kita seadanya tanpa ada sesalan sebab itu sudah ketentuan Ilahi......
ReplyDeleteCuba renungkan mutiara kata ini, Kita melihat bahagia itu seperti pelangi,tidak pernah berada diatas kepala kita sendiri,selamanya di atas kepala orang....
Haaa.... Sue, bila sebut pasal pelangi ni teringat pulak masa kecik2 dulu. Org dulu2 kata kalau nampak pelangi, jgn ditunjuk dgn jari takut nanti jari kudung. Sekarang bila cerita pada anak2 kisah ni, mereka ketawakan kita. "Pelik ya Ma... apa kena mengena Pelangi dgn nak kudungkan jari?". Tak terjawab lah! (Bukan sebab apa, saja nak menghormati pendapat org dulu2 - mungkin ada sebabnya disebalik alasan tersebut.)
ReplyDeleteBetul tuuuuu. Terimalah seadanya, walaupun tipah tertipu, tapi pandai-pandai lah kita sesuaikan diri.
ReplyDeleteAda yang kahwin sehati sejiwa, ada yang kahwin paksa, ada yang kahwin lari, ada yang kahwin nyorok-nyorok, ada yang kahwin kontrak, ada yang saje-saje kahwin, ada yang nak kahwin sangat (tak sabar2), ada yang 'kahwin je lah' dan ada yang kahwin main2.
dan........ada yang nak kahwin lagi.
Su aku kalau cite pasal kawin ni suka bebenor ko faham-faham le kan??? Mail ko biar betul sape yang nak kawin lagi tu???
ReplyDeleteApa-apa pun hargai pasangan masing-masing BARANG LAMA lagi tinggi nilai nya kan?? tayer Danial kalau tak percaya.
Hai Karl, lama kau tenggelam??? tiba-tiba lak timbulnya...atau tongkang kau karam? Aku memang paham sangat perangai kau 'PENCINTA WANITA'....oh.oh..oh bila Mail sebut bab kawin je tetiba kau menjelma ya...
ReplyDeleteKarl...pandai jgk kau menilai BARANG LAMA yer??? siap puji-puja....atau lakonan semata-mata?????????